you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
