Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
