I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
