were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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