The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
