P.S. I can't hear my feet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
