well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize