i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
