first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
