I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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