just come out here and I will go home with you...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
