everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
