Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
