do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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