For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
