did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
