i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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