a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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