Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
