You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
