Nicole vs. Life
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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