best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
