Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i have herpe
just one?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
