so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
