Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can text with my tongue
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
