Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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