ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
