You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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