He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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