DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
