My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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