I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
