why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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