im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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