So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
