I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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