i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
