the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize