Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
