I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
