they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
