Your face is a jimmy john
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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