I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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