T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
