Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
