i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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