By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
oh god was she eating orange peels again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
