I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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