After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
