She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
