it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
