you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
