you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We don't watch enough power rangers
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
