Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
