That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
