i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
