Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
