I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the condom got lost in my hair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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